Alright, so, it’s important to note that my own life experience is the primary source of information here.
When I first started writing about all of this narcissism stuff a few years ago, I paid a lot of attention to the final narcissistic discard and the installation of new supply.
Because this is the stuff that caused questions to bang around in my head.
What did I do wrong? What was the New Supply doing right? What could I have done differently?
And—the truly dreaded question—would the New Supply succeed where I failed?
For clarity’s sake, I call my ex the Gay Narcissist. And I call my then-replacement the New Supply.
Now, here’s something else you need to understand.
Despite our dramatic breakup, we still decided to live together until our shared lease was over.
I know, I know. Bad idea. But that’s a story for another day.
During our time living together post-breakup, I started seeing clear signs the relationship between the Gay Narcissist and the New Supply was turning rocky after only a few weeks.
I should have been thrilled—elated—ecstatic.
But I wasn’t.
It’s not because I’m a noble soul. Far from it.
The more signs of dysfunction I saw, the worse it made me feel. The more it made me question my own past with the Gay Narcissist. Was anything real at all?
I kept questioning the narrative he was feeding me, despite my dark emotions telling me I was a failure and a loser who deserved everything I was getting. It was confusing and disorienting.
These are the three big signs I saw proving the Gay Narcissist and the New Supply were not so perfect after all, despite all of the happiness he was advertising.
SIGN: Old Habits Die Hard… And Return With A Vengeance
Everything was in the open after the Final Narcissistic Discard.
I was out, the New Supply was in, and the Gay Narcissist was a man reborn, filled with life and vigor.
He even quit smoking. Who needed nicotine when you had your true soulmate at your side.
On top of that, the Gay Narcissist was not shy around me at all. Despite being officially Splitsville on paper, we still had years of shared history.
And he enjoyed confiding in me as much as I allowed. It is not a stretch of the imagination to believe he thought I should be happy for him.
And since, in his mind, I was now his trusted roommate, confidant, and all-around pal, he was upfront that true love conquered tobacco.
For a time.
The sobriety lasted a few months. But old habits die very hard indeed, and eventually the Gay Narcissist would return home after his weekend visits to the New Supply… with packs of cigarettes in hand.
I, too, was smoking, due to the immense stress of the whole thing.
In a bizarre twist of events, we’d start sharing smoke breaks together. And he’d tell me little things here and there about his new life with the New Supply.
He hated the town the New Supply lived in. They had little arguments. They didn’t see eye to eye here and there.
I held myself together—impressively so, considering the circumstances.
But never doubt for a second that I wanted to puke at his feet when he spoke.
I probably should have.
SIGN: Criticisms And Inconveniences Manifest
Narcissists are creatures of comfort and convenience.
They don’t want their plans interrupted or their whims challenged. And they expect their partners to go along with everything.
And you sure better have a smile on your face while doing it. If not, get ready for attack mode.
I don’t care how perfect a replacement partner looks. It’s impossible for someone to be flawless. Life itself is a subjective experience.
But narcissists are colorblind to subjectivity. Life itself it all or nothing, especially when they meet a new target.
They’re too consumed with infatuation and love bombing.
You can also forget about any kind of nuance or compromise.
It’s all about what they want when the want it. That’s it.
Eventually, any source of new supply will start transitioning out of soulmate mode and start looking like a regular complicated person.
Here’s an example. In the beginning, no distance was too far for the Gay Narcissist to travel in order to see the New Supply.
Until it was.
All of a sudden, the commute to see the New Supply turned into an expensive burden.
And the Gay Narcissist held me accountable.
I was told that it wouldn’t “Kill Me” to go away for the weekend every once and awhile so—get this—the New Supply could visit him at home.
You heard that right, folks.
It was all my fault.
This was told to me with sour-faced annoyance and frustration.
Sure, the Gay Narcissist lied and cheated and deceived, but hey, that was all in the past.
I was expected to just get over it and help him out.
I was as quiet as a church mouse when he said that to me.
I was speechless then, and I am speechless now over his level of entitlement.
SIGN: Newer Supply Is Sought Out
Being discarded and replaced is a horrible feeling.
But it’s also a pretty gross feeling knowing the narcissist now sees your replacement as imperfect, too.
So they start searching for fresh attention and validation to float their wounded egos when the official “New Supply” isn’t so new anymore.
The need for narcissistic supply is always and forever of paramount importance.
That’s why the vampire is a strong metaphor for describing narcissists.
The hunt for blood is paramount to a vampire.
The hunt for supply is paramount to a narcissist.
They both need sustenance from their targets and victims to survive.
I eventually started seeing the glum and sour moods of the Gay Narcissist return as the weeks and months passed.
He’d hint here and there about his troubles in paradise. The New Supply kept behaving in ways that didn’t line up with the guy he originally met and fell madly in love with.
The soul mate dynamic all of a sudden had a lot less soul in it.
And then it happened.
With a smirk and a laugh under his breath, the Gay Narcissist told me that all was well, because he was getting plenty of attention elsewhere.
Specifically on Instagram.
According to him, guys were not shy about sliding into his DMs whenever he posted a new picture.
Now, that should have made me feel good, right?
The New Supply was failing. The Gay Narcissist was returning to his old ways. Isn’t that a win?
It sure didn’t feel like one.
All it did was remind me of the guy I was dealing with, and how he most definitely behaved exactly like this in our own now-dead relationship.
After a pause, the Gay Narcissist told me the attention made him feel good, and then said, “So, whatever.”
Whatever, indeed.
* * *
This post is an edited version of the script for my YouTube video:
Signs The New Supply Is Failing After The Final Discard
The YouTube script is adapted from my June 2022 blog post:
Signs The New Supply Is Not Working Out After Narcissistic Discard
