Here are some words of wisdom shared with me after the Final Narcissistic Discard:
“It’s just different.”
This insight was shared with me by my toxic ex, whom I call the Gay Narcissist.
He told me this after I asked him why he left me so easily for another person, an individual I call the New Supply.
His response was always the same.
My replacement provided the Gay Narcissist with a special something—a certain magic—I could never dream of giving him.
And then he reminded me again:
Fresh, New Supply
I now know what the magical ingredient of “just different” was.
It is fresh narcissistic supply.
The supply of a new romantic partner is addictive to a narcissist. It feeds their limerent obsession with finding their one true soulmate.
These bad actors are shallow and bored thrill-seekers.
The Gay Narcissist, for example, loved nothing more than sucking up the admiration of strangers.
This attention is a hit of fresh supply, something these unsavory characters are always on the hunt for.
Some sources give better supply than others. And if one of these sources has romantic potential, then get ready.
Because it’s out with the old and in with the new.
Is The New Supply Better?
After the Final Discard happened, I asked myself over and over again why the New Supply was perfect and I was a reject.
The entire experience let me dizzy. I could barely get out of bed in the morning. Daily routines and mundane tasks were almost impossible to focus on.
I was always tense and on edge. I completely lost my appetite and ate very little.
At the end of every single day I’d lay in bed wondering what I did wrong. I tried to figure out all of the flaws I had that led to the Final Discard.
I took upon myself all of the blame. I pinned nothing on the Gay Narcissist. I let him completely off the hook as I brainwashed myself into believing it was all my fault.
It took a long time before I realized I was never in any kind of authentic relationship with this guy.
I was his emotional drug dealer—supplying him with attention, admiration, validation, stability, and comfort. That was my job in our farce of a relationship.
The job of the Gay Narcissist was to act selfish, erratic, impulsive, petulant, greedy, inconsiderate, and vindictive at all times.
It’s Just Different
I accounted for none of this when the Gay Narcissist first dumped me, though.
Instead, I was inconsolably devastated.
The New Supply was providing fresh attention and validation. He was a vehicle for new adventures and exciting stimulation.
And all of this made the Gay Narcissist glow.
When you’re with a disturbed character like a narcissist, the weekend can never end. The party must always go on.
A settled and quiet life usually causes an emotional collapse within a narcissist.
And guess what?
It’s our job as the partner to provide emotional support. But we do it because we’re convinced it’s worth the effort.
At the time of my own Final Discard, I represented responsibility and obligation. I was the boring hum-drum old life.
The New Supply represented excitement and freedom. He was the dopamine-pumping new life.
In the exact words of the Gay Narcissist when he tossed me aside for the New Supply, he said:
And then, at some point after that disgusting bombshell, he told me that when he is with the New Supply:
“It’s just different…”
He was not wrong, though. It was “just different.”
And the difference was all that mattered.
A different new guy gave the Gay Narcissist a fresh buzz of limerence.
But that does not mean he found his soulmate. Instead, he found a new drug to give him a fix.
So even though the New Supply was “just different,” the Gay Narcissist was exactly the same from beginning to middle to end.
He was emotionally dependent on narcissistic supply.
This post is an edited version of the script for my YouTube video:
The YouTube script is adapted from my July 2021 blog post:
New Supply And Narcissistic Discard | “It’s Just Different”
