Let’s use me as an example for a minute.
There were plenty of signs that the dreaded Final Narcissistic Discard was on the horizon in my toxic relationship from years ago.
I fully admit that I ignored all of these signs with white-knuckled determination.
But my toxic ex—who I now call the Gay Narcissist—made it clear he was done with me in the weeks leading up to the Final Discard.
And he was ready to install my replacement as soon as I was out of the picture.
I call this replacement the New Supply.
I absolutely knew there was devilry afoot, but I explained it away. After all, the Gay Narcissist reassured me that—no matter what—he would always come home to me.
Until he decided not to anymore.
Since we are making an example out of me, these are the signs that showed me the Final Discard was fast approaching.
These signs are not guaranteed and the list is not exhaustive.
But they are the highlights that warned me the Final Discard was fast approaching.
Cruelty And Callousness: The New Normal
I have no doubt you experienced a range of emotions in your dysfunctional relationship. I also have no doubt the lows far outweighed the highs.
Throughout the lifecycle of a narcissistic relationship, lame attempts at love bombing are used to pull you back in from time to time.
But they are nothing more than stale breadcrumbs.
But even the stale breadcrumbs run out when a narcissist is finished with a relationship.
And all attempts at winning you back—even the cheap and shallow ones—abruptly end.
When a narcissist is truly finished, they’re ready for you to get out as quickly as possible so they can move on without a second thought.
Everything turns into coldness, disinterest, callousness, resentment, and disgust.
Your supply has run out. Your utility in the life of the narcissist is now obsolete. And they make sure you are acutely aware of it.
They do not care how uncomfortable it makes you feel.
Changes In Physical Appearance
The attitude of the narcissist is not the only thing that changes. Their physical appearance could very well change, too.
New diets.
New exercise.
New clothes.
New hair.
New grooming.
You name it.
It is entirely possible that a dysfunctional person will give up on their appearance and hygiene in a long-term relationship.
That’s because the chase is over. You’ve been caught. They don’t care anymore.
So why bother?
But when a relationship runs its course and a narcissist is working on discarding and replacing you with new supply, you’ll quickly wonder why they’ve started looking so good all of a sudden.
Because it sure isn’t for you.
A Loud Public Persona
Here’s something that will frustrate you really fast.
Is that narcissist in your life loud, fun-loving, boisterous, and friendly with people out in public?
But in your private life, they are cold and nasty?
Based on personal experience, this public persona gets extra loud and extra charismatic for two reasons.
The first reason is the narcissist is high on the supply they are experiencing with their new target of interest.
Because I have no doubt the narcissist believes they have finally found their ideal partner and their true soulmate.
That makes the supply all the more intoxicating.
The second reason is preemptive damage control.
Narcissists regulate their emotions through external sources of attention and validation.
A narcissist will keep their fan club and support network close by as the discard approaches.
By advertising themselves as lively and friendly, who is going to challenge their behavior?
The discard of one partner for the replacement of another is rocky terrain at best, so the more likable the narcissist appears, the easier it is to support that side of the story.
A Lot More “I,” A Lot Less “We”
A narcissist preparing to discard a partner for a source of new supply will start speaking very carefully about the current relationship they are in.
Subtle hints are dropped about how they see a future without you in it.
In the weeks leading up to my own Final Discard, the Gay Narcissist regularly talked to me and others about his future plans.
However, I was left out of them as much as possible.
Whenever he spoke, it was a one-man show.
I kept my mouth shut. I questioned nothing.
At the time, I was doing whatever I could to hold the relationship together. I didn’t challenge him or anything he said.
But it was obvious I was a burden he wanted to be free of.
A Phone On Lockdown
A smartphone is a holy relic to a narcissist.
It is respected and guarded with their life.
This is hardly surprising. These devices are a portal to untold sources of narcissistic supply, and threats to that supply will not be tolerated.
I will admit that this sign is sometimes tough to judge, since deceitfulness is a standard characteristic of narcissism.
Speaking from personal experience, the Gay Narcissist always kept his phone under tight control.
But in the weeks leading up to the Final Discard, it was under complete lockdown.
The screen was never, ever visible.
Little-To-No Energy… For You
A narcissist will conserve their energy and only spend it on people who give them the best return on investment.
Planning, plotting, lying, and deceiving really takes it out of a narcissist. This is where their energy is going when a Final Discard is in the works.
And if they have a source of new supply waiting to replace you after the discard is enacted, that person needs to be kept in line, too.
There’s also the fan club and the support network to worry about.
The puppet master has a lot of strings to pull at this time.
The Future Faking Ends
Do you remember all of the promises about a happy future together?
That’s done.
What about of the assurance that the narcissist is your soulmate?
It’s over.
How about all of the plans of building a life together?
Forget them.
All of that crap was future faking. It was nothing more than a twisted scheme to keep you under control.
A stable long-term relationship is not something a narcissist wants, despite the promises.
This kind of commitment is too boring and requires too much work.
Narcissists crave sensation.
They need to feel their heart beating faster in order to feel alive.
Without the thrill of the chase keeping the excitement going, their sense of self starts caving in.
In the weeks leading up to my own Final Discard, the Gay Narcissist completely avoided the topic of our future. Plans for vacations, long-term purchases, leases—he dodged them all.
Again, I never challenged him.
I was too afraid of what he might say. Maybe he would finally start telling me the truth to drive me away once and for all.
And that was something I was not ready for.
A Sudden Need For Lots Of Space
Space between partners is vital for any kind of sustainable relationship.
But it’s an illusion when you’re involved with a narcissist.
When a narcissist needs you for supply, they will pull you in and use you up.
This is a smothering and uneasy experience.
But when a final discard is in the works, you’re suddenly…
A burden.
A nuisance.
An obstacle.
Your dysfunctional partner might start performing monologues about how they feel smothered and how you are controlling their life.
They can’t make a move without you hassling them. And, if the relationship is going to work, then you better be the one to change.
Fast.
I had a conversation like this leading up to my own Final Discard. It was a talk intended to quote-unquote save the relationship.
But it wasn’t a discussion at all. It was a list of demands, including the need for a free-reign open relationship.
And before you ask…
No. The Gay Narcissist acquiesced nothing. I was the one that needed to change. Not him.
He then discarded me a few weeks later, anyway.
Your Faults Are Legion
Does this sound familiar?
Whenever you did something wrong in the eyes of your narcissist, were you interrogated, criticized, and challenged without mercy?
And the narcissist, meanwhile…
Well, I am sure they acted as innocent as a newborn babe.
Early on in my own toxic relationship, the Gay Narcissist told me its impossible to build a life with someone when we are constantly quote—bringing up the past—end quote.
This sounded like sagely wisdom at the time. But it didn’t take long before I learned it only applied to me.
I was supposed to forget every horrible thing the Gay Narcissist ever did.
But me?
Well, the Gay Narcissist was free to remember every fault and bring up every grievance whenever he wanted.
Don’t be surprised when your narcissist has a sharp and keen memory for every negative thing that’s ever happened to them.
Especially when they think you’re responsible for it.
You Start Fantasizing About Freedom
I don’t care how deep in it you are.
Here and there, fantasies of freedom start poking through
Do you ever come first?
Do your needs, wants, dreams, and desires ever matter?
Yes, of course they do. But you have to make them matter for yourself—the narcissist be damned.
These moments of clarity happen because the stress of the Final Discard breaks you completely.
And when there’s no where to go but up, that’s what you do.
Such fantasies of freedom are rare. But cherish them when they materialize.
Hold onto their memory.
They will come back.
You will have them more often as you put distance between yourself and the narcissist after the Final Discard is over and done with.
It takes a long time to get over the Final Discard.
But as the days progress and pass, your taste for freedom from the narcissist will grow until that’s all you care about them.
It’s over.
They’re gone.
Good riddance.
* * *
This post is an edited version of the script for my YouTube video:
10 Signs The Final Discard Is Coming… And There’s New Supply
The YouTube script is adapted from my August 2021 blog posts:
10 Signs A Narcissist Is Planning To Discard And Replace You With New Supply | Part 01
10 Signs A Narcissist Is Planning To Discard And Replace You With New Supply | Part 02
