Discard Narcissism And The Discard Narcissist | What’s It All About?

Humor me for a minute while I ramble about a feature in the game Skyrim.

It’s possible to become a vampire in Skyrim by contracting the disease Sanguinare Vampiris. After three days of infection, the process is complete and you become a full vampire. And as a vampire, you experience four stages of severity; passing from stage to stage increases your weakness to sunlight and fire, but so too do your vampiric powers grow.

Upon reaching Stage 04, you become a “Blood-Starved Vampire.” You’re at your most vulnerable to the sun and fire, but your vampiric powers are at their height. 

Once you feed upon a victim’s blood, you revert back to Stage 01. You’re still a vampire, but the intensity of your condition (pros and cons alike) settle down.

Vampirism in Skyrim reminds me a lot of narcissism. 

A narcissist moves through the world effectively experiencing different “stages” of his personality style depending upon his life factors. If life is good, then he’s satiated on narcissistic supply. But if life is bad, then his needs and desires grow in intensity. 

A narcissist’s desperation for supply will increase, and so will his tools and skills for acquiring that supply—charm, manipulation, mirroring, deception, flirtation, and so on.

Is Discard Narcissism Really A Thing?

During some SEO research on narcissism topics, “discard narcissism” and “discard narcissist” kept popping up. 

Why?

I’m guessing it’s as simple as people searching for clues to the dark mysteries of their own narcissistic relationships. So clusters of keywords are offered up to Google an offering for information that will hopefully cut through the madness of a toxic relationship.

Still, they’re interesting keywords. 

“Discard” and “narcissist.”

“Discard” and “narcissism.”

Perhaps compounding these words together can actually create a linguistic tool to further help in understanding a phase experienced in all narcissistic relationships, like the four stages of vampirism in Skyrim. 

Much like a Blood-Starved Vampire in Skyrim, perhaps Discard Narcissism is the stage a narcissist enters into when he finds the circumstances of his life so intolerable that he’s got to shed parts of his old life. Surely he’s willing to do whatever it takes to discard and move on to fresh supply.

The Idealization, Devaluation, And Discard Phases Of The Narcissistic Relationship

It’s a safe assumption that a narcissist is going to discard his partner eventually. 

Narcissists grow bored when the love bombing ends and the passionate sheen of a new target dulls. This is the Idealization Phase of a narcissistic relationship. It is rapid and short-lived—but incredibly powerful.

This is the Idealization Phase of a narcissistic relationship. A narcissist operating in the Idealization Phase can easily be called an Idealizing Narcissist.

And then, after the Idealization Phase ends, the relationship deteriorates rapidly once a narcissist realizes just how mortal his target is. You’ll see the narcissist grow distance and dismissive. It’s subtle at first, but you’ll recognize the signs with a new understanding after your eventual postmortem of the narcissistic relationship. There will be slight putdowns and offhanded dismissals. For example, “suggestions” will be made about your appearance or how you conduct yourself; these suggestions are almost always unprompted and unwanted.

Time will pass. The devaluing behavior will grow. But the subtly is now gone. The criticisms are overt, and the accusations are blunt. There are hostilities and they are great and small alike. The tip-toeing and the “walking on eggshells” begins. What will trigger the narcissist today? How will he react? How will you react in turn?

This is the Devaluing Phase of a narcissistic relationship. A narcissist operating in the Devaluing Phase can easily be called a Devaluing Narcissist.

The whole experience of the Devaluing Phase is draining, frustrating, and exhausting. Remember Lucy from Dracula, and how the continued nocturnal visits from the count left her weak and addled? She was clearly dying from his attacks, but she continued to beg him to victimize her.

Everyone consumed by a narcissistic relationship is psychologically dying, but they’re struggling and fighting against reality to keep the whole thing going. 

And now, with the Idealization Phase long past and the Devaluing Phase growing tiresome, the narcissist is ready to move on and find fresh narcissistic supply. You’re tapped out—there’s no more emotional fuel available in the tank of your psyche. 

This is the Discard Phase of a narcissistic relationship. A narcissist operating in the Discard Phase can easily be called a Discard Narcissist. 

The Tactics Of The Discard Narcissist

As a Skyrim vampire approaches Stage 04, the creature’s powers increase. 

And among the powers gained is “Vampire’s Seduction,” which allows the vampire to entrance and beguile the mind of a victim, making for easy prey. 

So too does a Discard Narcissist have heightened seductive powers after transitioning into the Discard Phase.

The hunt for fresh supply is all that matters to a Discard Narcissist. And the narcissistic supply he’s hunting for needs to be as potent and intoxicating as possible. A Discard Narcissist is not looking for small bumps to pacify him ego while finding new methods of controlling you, manipulating you, and wearing you down. 

No, your time is done. Your discard is imminent. 

Your disquieting and maddening experience of Discard Narcissism will be some of the worst narcissistic abuse you endure. For this is the time when you will be broken to your lowest point while the new target of the Discard Narcissist is selected and showered with the idealization and love bombing you so desperately fought to regain throughout the relationship. 

Jackson MacKenzie calls this period in a toxic relationship the “Grand Finale,” which he elaborates on in his must-read book, Psychopath Free. 

A toxic person—a narcissist, psychopath, sociopath, you name it—uses the Grand Finale to set you up as a failed human who could never hope of being enough. How could you when there is another source of new supply waiting to replace you? 

Rest assured that a Discard Narcissist will pour a great deal of effort into convincing you that the targeted new supply is everything you’re not. These confessions for a Discard Narcissist aren’t always explosive. They might be subtler, such as when the Gay Narcissist from my own Gay Narcissistic Relationship reassured me that the New Supply he found was “just different.”

And then it finally happens.

The Discard Narcissist finally enacts the Grand Finale and you’re toppled over and replaced with a new source of narcissistic supply. 

What Happens When A Discard Narcissist Casts You Out?

Is the Discard Narcissist done with you after the Grand Finale?

Not at all. 

The Discard Narcissist is settling down now. His need for fresh and potent narcissistic supply has been satiated. He’s probably bloated on the limerence he’s experiencing with his new target. 

But soon enough comes the triangulation.

You’re at your lowest and most vulnerable. And a Discard Narcissist relishes seeing the wreckage you’ve turned into. Because all of your upset and confusion and depression shows the Discard Narcissist he mattered to someone. He sees that he matters at all. And seeing such evidence soothes his fragile and impotent ego.

But with the Grand Finale over, now is your own chance to move on. Even if you’re still obsessing over the Discard Narcissist who cast you out, don’t let him see your turmoil. Instead, do some discarding of your own.

Cut him out of your life.

Enact a plan of “No Contact.”

There’s no sharper stake to drive through the heart of a Discard Narcissist than that.