It’s been a few years since I was discarded by my narcissistic ex, the Gay Narcissist, and replaced by the person he was having an affair with, someone I call the New Supply for the purpose of my writings.
It sure is a trip reflecting on all of this years down the road of moving forward. But then again, to simply call it a “trip” is an understatement.
As I’ve been writing these blog posts about my personal experiences in a narcissistic relationship with another man, I do stop and wonder why I am doing this. Do I still care? Does anyone else care? These are questions I’ve asked before, and there is no shortage of content exploring the dark and troublesome realities of narcissism in daily life.
I’m no expert, and I’ve never claimed to be anything more than an armchair enthusiast who has a lot of experience, self-awareness, and self-education through books and online content.
All of that said, I’ve always been surprised by the lack of personal stories about the end of narcissistic relationships, especially those that terminate in a discard and replacement with new supply. This is a debilitating experience to the psyche. And without sharp awareness and understanding, it’s easy for someone experiencing it to fall into a chasm of desperation and despair.
Is there a lot of content out there discussing narcissistic discard? Yes. Is there even more content covering the concept of this fabled “new supply”? Absolutely.
But rarely have I found personal stories detailing the experiences of a swift discard and subsequent replacement with a source of new supply.
So I’ll elaborate on my own.
And Evident Truth
I wasn’t so much living my own life as I was haunting the lives of those around me a few years back when my gay narcissistic relationship was at its worst. And it was the Gay Narcissist’s attention I craved most. I was a specter rapping and tapping for him to notice me, but he only grew colder and more distant.
The truth was evident—my relationship with the Gay Narcissist was ending. That reality was quickly approaching fruition, but I ignored it. I willed myself to believe that it was not not true and not even possible.
All of those quiet nights where he stared hypnotically at his guarded phone—no, nothing unusual at all.
The constant assertions by the Gay Narcissist that I was clingy were dismissive of me as a person. And at the end of it all, he demanded that I let him see whoever he wanted, whenever he wanted, in any capacity he wanted. If I did not, I was controlling him and I was risking the relationship.
But all the while, I was sure if tried harder to be a better person, the Gay Narcissist would knock it off and turn into a better person, too.
That’s just it, isn’t it?
The paradox of being a better partner is a frustratingly abusive cycle. You cannot be both attentive and loving at all times while also backing off and allowing your partner unfettered freedom. to do whatever he wants, your feelings be damned.
It’s childish and it’s not possible. No one should put up with such a notion.
I did though, because I didn’t know any better.
It’s a valuable lesson learned.
A Harsh Truth
It’s all about exposure.
Just like anything else damaging to your health, imbibing the psychological poison of a narcissistic relationship is going to make you sick. The more you plead with a narcissist and the more you try to capture his attention, the more you are fighting against fate. It’s just going to weaken you more.
Always remember this: both you and your narcissistic partner have agency in the relationship. The more you hope that the relationship is salvageable and resist the truth of the situation, the more you’re beating up your own mental and physical health.
Is this victim-blaming? I don’t think so, because if you’re reading this, right now, then you’re aware something is wrong. And you know you have to start taking steps to rescue yourself. You certainly did not cause any of this. But you can certainly start looking out for yourself, the narcissist in your life be damned.
It’s a harsh truth, but the narcissist in your life does not have your interest at heart. What’s worse, he probably has ill intentions at work to push you away and expedite the discard. This is like a corporate layoff to him. He’s simply waiting for the right time to give you the axe, and it’s going to be unceremonious.
After my narcissistic partner broke up with me and the entire truth of his affair came to light, there were several moments of clarity in our communications, and I often felt like I didn’t even know who I was talking to.
But why was that? Did the Gay Narcissist finally reveal to me his true self without any pretenses or lies? Or was I so rattled into reality that I could no longer deny what was happening to me?
I suspect it was some of both.
With an uncommon amount of earnestness, the Gay Narcissist informed me during the discard that he originally was going to take the path of least resistance by carrying on his affair with the New Supply. He had two goals in mind: he was either going to ride out our lease, and then finalize the discard when our shared home was up for a new signing. Or, wait for me to crack and finally walk out on him when I could not handle the flagrant infidelity anymore.
“But I decided you didn’t deserve that,” he passively said after he finished laying out his plan.
Breakups are never easy, and a discard from a narcissistic relationship will leave you frazzled, exhausted, and lost in a great sea of cold and dark depression.
How bad can it get? I won’t lie—it can get quite bad.
But distance is your cure, distance and quiet. A narcissist only has power when you feed him your attention, and that includes your devastation once you’ve been discarded and replaced by new supply.
Extricate yourself from the situation as quickly as possible, and begin practicing No Contact.
You’ve been discarded, but on the other side of the experience is freedom, which is the greatest gift of all.
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If you’re interested in learning more about narcissism, toxic relationships, dark personalities, and sexuality, then I highly recommend the books below.
Please consider buying through the provided Amazon Associate links. While the content on my website is yours to read for free, I do appreciate any support offered toward my work.
The reading list includes:
Should I Stay Or Should I Go: Surviving A Relationship With A Narcissist (Dr. Ramani Durvasula)
The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent Narcissist Trap (Dr. Ross Rosenberg)
The Sociopath Next Door (Dr. Martha Stout)
Without Conscience: The Disturbing World Of The Psychopaths Among Us (Dr. Robert D. Hare)
In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding And Dealing With Manipulative People (Dr. George Simon)
Being Homosexual: Gay Men And Their Development ( Dr. Richard Isay)
The Velvet Rage: Overcoming The Pain Of Growing Up Gay In A Straight Man’s World (Dr. Alan Downs)
